Do you still have your period?
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Randomize
