Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
