He had one of those small greek statue penises
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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