i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
