I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
