i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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