i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
