I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
