Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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