i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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