We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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