this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
