I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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