were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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