well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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