When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
