There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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