I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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