i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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