Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
