Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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