I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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