how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
