thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
You know, be my cock's hype man.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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