omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
you inspire me to be a worse person
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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