Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
