I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
