I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
