whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
