This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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