I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
