dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Randomize
