Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
