I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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