It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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