Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Randomize
