Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
