I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
