apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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