good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
