So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
