Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
