today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
