I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Randomize
