I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
