Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
