i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Randomize
