you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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