final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
