The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
