u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
