508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
