Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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