do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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